HOW CAN WE ALL GET ALONG? Resolving Conflict Benefits Mind and Body

 

 

” A major amount of wear-and-tear on the body comes from prolonged unresolved conflict–basically from not letting go, holding grudges and reliving situations over and over in your head,” says Raj Dhasi, a Toronto-based conflict management consultant who specializes in the physiological impacts of conflict.  “But if conflict happens and my mindset is:  ‘I can handle this.  We can work through this,’ that is phenomenally beneficial for the brain and body.”

When we are faced with any conflict–whether it’s an angry boss, disgruntled neighbor, political opponent or untidy teen in the house–our limbic system responds swiftly by igniting a cascade of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol and spiking our heart rate and blood pressure.  Meanwhile, our prefrontal cortex–the part of the brain responsible for thinking things through and putting the brakes on emotional, irrational behaviors–begins to slowly light up.  The fundamental problem is that in the race to mount a response, the limbic system often wins, prompting us to greet conflict impulsively by raising our voice and saying things we later regret before our rational brain has time to step in.

On the flip side, many of us avoid conflict altogether, harboring discontent in such a way that we feel powerless or even threatened.  Making matters worse, our fight-or-flight response never quite goes away, says Gary Harper, author of The Joy of Conflict Resolution: Transforming Victims, Villains and Heroes in the Workplace and at Home.  “More people are stressed out by not dealing with a conflict than with dealing with it,” Harper observes.  “If you deal with it in the moment, it allows you to let it go.”

Pause, Breathe, Consider

Harper advises that one way to deal with conflict on the spot is to pause and give our more rational side a chance to arrive at a solution.  “Before you react, slow down, take a deep breath and listen to your inner dialogue,” he says.  “In that deep breath, you might realize that you need five minutes [to consider a response].”  If you still remain in attack mode, it might not be the best time to respond.

He adds that while no conflict should be avoided altogether, careful consideration might lead us to conclude that some battles aren’t worth fighting.  Ask yourself:  How important is this person to me?  How important is this issue to me?  ” If neither is vital to you, save your energy for a better use.  If the issue is not important, but the relationship is, it’s okay to accommodate or give in sometimes,” he says.

Be Direct and Follow-Up

Some conflicts are worth confronting.  Then, Barbara Pachter, a business communications consultant and author of The Power of Positive Confrontation, offers what she calls the WAC approach for dealing with most cases of work and family conflict.

W:  Ask yourself:  What is really bothering me? ” A lot of times, people don’t do this.  They just say, ‘This person is a jerk,’ rather than specifying the problem.”

A:  Ask them for a solution.  “We often complain, but we don’t find a solution,” she says.  “Determine what is going to solve the problem for you and ask for it.”

C:  Check in.  “Turn it over to the other person and ask for their response.  Inquire: ‘Is this possible?  What do you think?'”

All the while, stay curious about the other person’s perspective, suggests Harper.  “We tend to see ourselves as the innocent victim, or we go into hero mode and tend to see the other person as the villain,” he says.  “Of course, the other person is doing the same thing, and that makes collaboration tough.”  Instead, ask sincere questions–and really listen.

Agree to Disagree

Terrie McCants, coordinator of the conflict resolution program at Kansas State University, notes that in some cases, especially when deeply held values such as politics or faith are involved, resolving conflict isn’t necessarily about reaching an agreement.  “You cannot negotiate people’s values.  Sometimes, these are things that people are willing to lie down and die for,” she says.  “Instead, sometimes you might need to agree to disagree.”

In the end, whether the conflict is a minor disagreement at home, a workplace quarrel or a complicated political dispute, the process of properly working through it can leave both parties feeling stronger and improve their communities.  “Conflict forces you to problem-solve collaboratively and come up with options and elegant solutions,” she explains.  “If handled well, it can add brilliant things to your life.”

After reading this article, I decided to share because I think it has really good points.  Especially the way today’s economy is going, we all some form of stress and frustration and may sometimes say things we don’t really mean.

So, if you have those moments when you are so angry and maybe don’t know why, stop and close your eyes, take a breath and walk somewhere by yourself to slow down and calm your mind before returning to life’s space.

Contents of this article provided by Lisa Shumate, a freelance writer in Boulder, CO.

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A Rescue Dog Changed This Autistic Boy’s Life Forever.

Good morning friends! This is a beautiful story of an Autistic boy and his dog, helping one another in the path of life. Enjoy and please share the love. Peace, love, blessings. Tammy

To see the video please click below where it says view original…

Kindness Blog

This is the beautiful story of an Autistic boy and his dog, and how they helped one another.

Xena The Warrior Puppy ASPCA Dog of the Year

Jonny began exhibiting symptoms of Autism early on in his life. Sometimes, when his father would bring him to the deli to pick up meat, Jonny’s dad would place his order, and Jonny would begin screaming at the top of his lungs. Among other things, food gave him a great deal of anxiety. Additionally, the little boy would have almost no interaction whatsoever with the family dogs the Hickeys had at the time.

The family’s situation, as it is for so many other families, was stressful and challenging – they just wanted a way to help improve their son’s life. Then something amazing happened.

A terribly emaciated and near death Pit Bull had been found. She was near death. The rescue organization responsible for her care felt that she was in need…

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Wishing you a Happy Friday

Enjoy-life-quotes-Friday-Wishes-Quotes

 

Good morning friends!  I saw this quote and had to share.  Enjoy life even though it may seem like it’s not going the way you think it should, even the tough times have a reason in your life.  Whatever the day may bring, you have a reason to SMILE, because life is precious and so are YOU!

Have a great day!  Peace, love, bliss-Tammy

Be Happy Now-Simple Ways to Quickly Lift Your Spirits

Singer-songwriter Pharell Williams, whose infectious hit song, “Happy,” has spread joy worldwide, seems to know the secret to happiness.  More than 1,500 people from 140-plus countries have posted their own happy video spinoffs at WeAreHappyFrom.com, inspired by his daylong music video featuring Los Angeles residents from all walks of life dancing and lip-syncing to the tune.

 

Can happiness really be just a finger snap away?  It depends on our unit of measurement–a moment versus a lifetime.  Research by such authorities as Psychologist Martin Seligman, Ph.D., director of the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center, suggests that several basic ingredients are keys to long-term happiness, including a sense of purpose, engaging activities, quality relationships and achievable goals.  Ultimately, happiness is a subjective state, gauged only by personal perception.

Still, there are quick, simple things we can do to shift our mood into a higher gear, according to Jonathan Robinson, author of Find Happiness Now: 50 Shortcuts for Bringing More Love, Balance, and Joy Into Your Life.  “Broadly, happiness shortcuts fall into two categories-those that help in letting go of negative emotions and those that help in tuning into or expanding positive feelings” says Robinson.  “The end result is the same.”

Practice gratitude.  When the day’s affronts seem excessive, we can reframe them by counting our blessings mentally or in a journal.  Review the day with an eye to everything that went right.  “Soon, you’ll start to see everything as a gift,” observes Robinson.

Pencil it in.  Take a few moments at the start of each week to block out a little time every day for happy activities.

Pay it forward.  It doesn’t take much to make someone’s day, advises Robinson.  Give someone a compliment or a piece of chocolate and watch their attitude instantly change, which in turn lifts your into their happy cloud.

Sing and dance.  Williams applies this secret:  Moving our bodies and vibrating our vocal chords helps shake us out of our mental cages.  “It’s hard to feel bad when you sing.  It’s a choice:  You can stay angry for four hours or sing for 15 seconds,”  Robinson notes.

Don’t underestimate the power of a simple jumpstart to happiness.  Research from the University of Arizona shows that as little as a forced smile not only releases stress-fighting neuropeptides and mood-lifting serotonin in the brain, it activates a chain reaction of happiness around us.

Source:  April Thompson-connect with her at AprilWrites.com

 

Essential Oils for Summer

 

Healing Fragrances for Bites, Allergies and Sunburn

A breath of sweet lavender oil can quickly reduce stress.  A whiff of lemon oil can energize us.

“Essential oils are not magic or folklore.  There is solid science behind them,” says Elizabeth Jones, founder of the College of Botanical Healing Arts, in Santa Cruz, California.

Here’s what happens after inhaling lavender, the most popular of all essential oils:  The cilia–microscopic cellular fibers in the nose-transport the aroma to the olfactory bulb at the bottom of the brain, from where it proceeds to the limbic brain and directly affects the nerves, delivering a soothing effect.  “Or put it on your skin and other properties of essential oils are absorbed straight into the bloodstream,” advises Jones, author of Awaken to Healing Fragrance.

Thai studies show that a whiff of lavender oil is calming and lowers blood pressure and heart rate, yet there are many more benefits attributed to the art and science of aromatherapy and essential oils.  For those struggling with summer maladies, here are several simple solutions essential oils can provide.

Minor Scrapes, Cuts and Blisters

Tea tree oil (melaleuca) is tops, because it contains terpenes that kill staphylococcus and other nasty bacteria and works to prevent infection, according to a meta-analysis from the University of Western Australia.  The researchers further suggest that tea tree oil may be used in some cases instead of antibiotics.  Oregano and eucalyptus oils are likewise acknowledged for their natural abilities to eliminate infection-causing bacteria, fungi and viruses.

“Blend all three for a synergistic effect,” says aromatherapy expert Robert Tisserand (RobertTisserand.com), of Ojai, California.  “They sort of leapfrog over each other to penetrate the skin and cell walls.”

Sunburn, Bug Bits and Poison Ivy

A small amount of undiluted lavender oil will cool sunburn fast, advises Tisserand.  Add a few drops to a dollop of cooling aloe vera gel for extra relief and moisture, suggests Jones.  Undiluted Lavender is also a great remedy for insect bites, says Tisserand.  “You can stop the pain of a bee sting in 20 seconds with a few drops.”

Chamomile, either the German or Roman variety, helps with rashes, according to Jones, especially when mixed with her summertime favorite, aloe vera gel.  She recommends mugwort oil for poison oak or poison ivy, a benefit affirmed by animal research from the Korea Institute of Oriental Medicine’s Herbal Medicine Formulation Research Group.

***Best Carriers***

Almost all essential oils are so strong that they must be diluted before use to prevent skin irritation.  Use cold pressed oils and mix 10 to 15 drops of essential oil per ounce of carrier substance.  Some of the best carriers are almond oil, aloe vera gel, apricot oil, cocoa butter, glycerin, jojoba oil and olive oil.

 

Allergy Relief

During hay fever season, several aromatherapy oils from a diffuser can offer relief, counsels Tisserand.  He recommends eucalyptus, geranium and lavender oils, all of which contain antihistamines.  Use them separately or blended.  When using a diffuser, it’s not necessary to put the oils into a diluting carrier oil or gel.  He notes that steam tent containing 10 drops of each of the three oils mixed with two cups of boiling water is highly effective.

Sprains, Strains and Joint Pain

Lessen inflammation and the pains from tendon and muscle sprains and strains with rosemary or peppermint, adding a dash of ginger for additional benefit, says Tisserand.  He recommends rubbing the oils (diluted in a carrier) directly on the sore spot.

Rosemary is particularly effective for bringing blood flow to an injury site, and the menthol in peppermint is a great pain reliever, adds Jones.  A Chinese study published in the European Journal of Pharmaceutics and Biopharmaceutics confirms the pain-relieving and anti-inflammatory abilities of peppermint oil.  Researchers from Taiwan confirm that ginger is anti-inflammatory and can even reduce intense nerve pain.

Jones believes that essential oils have a place in everyone’s medicine chest.  “Sometimes I feel like David up against Goliath,” she remarks.  “I encourage everyone to use natural healing products from plants instead of pharmaceutical drugs, the side effects of which actually diminish the body’s natural ability to heal.”

 

Article source:  Kathleen Barnes, natural health author of Rx from the Garden: 101 Food Cures You Can Easily Grow.  Connect at KathleenBarnes.com.

 

 

Small Daily Practices Make A Huge Difference

 

 

A regular spiritual practice grounds us and helps us navigate the challenges of just being human.  It helps us stay awake, begin to let go, trust the rhythm and flow of life and relax into the beauty of our true nature.

Create Ritual-  Meaningful rituals can be carefully planned events or casual, but regular remembrances, such as voicing gratitude before a family meal or greeting one another with a hug.  Marking transitions and milestones in the lives of family members likewise connects everyone to the sacredness of daily living.  We remember that life is more than to-do lists.

Cultivate Stillness-  Quiet private contemplation through stillness, prayer, meditation or reflection is a daily way to connect with our inner wisdom and/or embrace a higher power, and can make the whole day better.

Practice Service to Others-  The more we reach out and are present to one another, the stronger we become and the easier it is to understand our interconnection-that we’re all one.

Live in the Present-  Many great spiritual teachers believe the answer to everything is to just “be here now,” and that our suffering and emotional distress would end if we simply stopped resisting the present.  When we temporarily suspend our desire to change things, we can embrace that where we are is exactly where we’re supposed to be.

Choose Happiness-  Can we only be happy if things are going our way?  Experts suggest that we’re born with the innate capacity to experience inner well-being and joy; it’s our birthright to feel good.  We must remember to choose happiness in each present moment.

 

Fiver Reconnection Points

-Be mindful of how and when the family uses technology.  Put people first.

-Tap the healing power of nature together.  Take hikes, picnics and explore a local greenbelt.

-Love the ones you’re with.  Schedule regular time together to make sure it happens.

-Define your family’s values and honor them.

-Slow down.  Do less to experience more.  Fewer choices and a lighter schedule can make for a happier family.

 

Source:  Nurturing the Soul of Your Family: 10 Ways to Reconnect and Find Peace in Everyday Life, by Renee Peterson Trudeau.

Tom Attwater Is Dying. His Daughter Might Die, Too. The Letter He Left For Her Is Unforgettable.

Kindness Blog

Tom Attwater is dying of a brain tumor, but he isn’t worried about his cancer. Instead, he is trying to save his 5 year-old daughter from her own.

tom attwater Tom Attwater with daughter Kelli and wife Joely

He has vowed to raise approximately $820,200.00 for her cancer treatment, even if he wouldn’t be around to see her go through it.

Now Tom is almost half way to his fundraising target he is more adamant than ever to reach it. Tragically his deadline is short as his latest scans show his brain tumour is growing.

He says: “These days people make bucket lists, and the very top of mine – the one that matters most – is raising money to make sure Kelli gets the medical help she might need.

Tom attwater

“Some people have advised me to slow down and concentrate on enjoying the rest of my days. But how can I knowing…

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