HOW CAN WE ALL GET ALONG? Resolving Conflict Benefits Mind and Body

 

 

” A major amount of wear-and-tear on the body comes from prolonged unresolved conflict–basically from not letting go, holding grudges and reliving situations over and over in your head,” says Raj Dhasi, a Toronto-based conflict management consultant who specializes in the physiological impacts of conflict.  “But if conflict happens and my mindset is:  ‘I can handle this.  We can work through this,’ that is phenomenally beneficial for the brain and body.”

When we are faced with any conflict–whether it’s an angry boss, disgruntled neighbor, political opponent or untidy teen in the house–our limbic system responds swiftly by igniting a cascade of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol and spiking our heart rate and blood pressure.  Meanwhile, our prefrontal cortex–the part of the brain responsible for thinking things through and putting the brakes on emotional, irrational behaviors–begins to slowly light up.  The fundamental problem is that in the race to mount a response, the limbic system often wins, prompting us to greet conflict impulsively by raising our voice and saying things we later regret before our rational brain has time to step in.

On the flip side, many of us avoid conflict altogether, harboring discontent in such a way that we feel powerless or even threatened.  Making matters worse, our fight-or-flight response never quite goes away, says Gary Harper, author of The Joy of Conflict Resolution: Transforming Victims, Villains and Heroes in the Workplace and at Home.  “More people are stressed out by not dealing with a conflict than with dealing with it,” Harper observes.  “If you deal with it in the moment, it allows you to let it go.”

Pause, Breathe, Consider

Harper advises that one way to deal with conflict on the spot is to pause and give our more rational side a chance to arrive at a solution.  “Before you react, slow down, take a deep breath and listen to your inner dialogue,” he says.  “In that deep breath, you might realize that you need five minutes [to consider a response].”  If you still remain in attack mode, it might not be the best time to respond.

He adds that while no conflict should be avoided altogether, careful consideration might lead us to conclude that some battles aren’t worth fighting.  Ask yourself:  How important is this person to me?  How important is this issue to me?  ” If neither is vital to you, save your energy for a better use.  If the issue is not important, but the relationship is, it’s okay to accommodate or give in sometimes,” he says.

Be Direct and Follow-Up

Some conflicts are worth confronting.  Then, Barbara Pachter, a business communications consultant and author of The Power of Positive Confrontation, offers what she calls the WAC approach for dealing with most cases of work and family conflict.

W:  Ask yourself:  What is really bothering me? ” A lot of times, people don’t do this.  They just say, ‘This person is a jerk,’ rather than specifying the problem.”

A:  Ask them for a solution.  “We often complain, but we don’t find a solution,” she says.  “Determine what is going to solve the problem for you and ask for it.”

C:  Check in.  “Turn it over to the other person and ask for their response.  Inquire: ‘Is this possible?  What do you think?'”

All the while, stay curious about the other person’s perspective, suggests Harper.  “We tend to see ourselves as the innocent victim, or we go into hero mode and tend to see the other person as the villain,” he says.  “Of course, the other person is doing the same thing, and that makes collaboration tough.”  Instead, ask sincere questions–and really listen.

Agree to Disagree

Terrie McCants, coordinator of the conflict resolution program at Kansas State University, notes that in some cases, especially when deeply held values such as politics or faith are involved, resolving conflict isn’t necessarily about reaching an agreement.  “You cannot negotiate people’s values.  Sometimes, these are things that people are willing to lie down and die for,” she says.  “Instead, sometimes you might need to agree to disagree.”

In the end, whether the conflict is a minor disagreement at home, a workplace quarrel or a complicated political dispute, the process of properly working through it can leave both parties feeling stronger and improve their communities.  “Conflict forces you to problem-solve collaboratively and come up with options and elegant solutions,” she explains.  “If handled well, it can add brilliant things to your life.”

After reading this article, I decided to share because I think it has really good points.  Especially the way today’s economy is going, we all some form of stress and frustration and may sometimes say things we don’t really mean.

So, if you have those moments when you are so angry and maybe don’t know why, stop and close your eyes, take a breath and walk somewhere by yourself to slow down and calm your mind before returning to life’s space.

Contents of this article provided by Lisa Shumate, a freelance writer in Boulder, CO.

Louise Hay on Loving Yourself to Ageless Health

 

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A renowned leader of the self-help movement from its early days, Louise Hay is celebrated world wide for teaching—-by personal example and through her bestselling book, You Can Heal Your Life—how each of us can transform our mind, body and spirit by changing the way we think.  Her positive philosophy has sparked an industry and her Hay House publishing group.

Nourishing mind and body, loving life, learning and growing, giving back and moving ahead—these comprise Hay’s program for creating health, happiness and longevity.  At 88, she continues to travel for business and pleasure, embracing vital, joy-filled days with a thankful smile.  Her new book, Loving Yourself to Great Health, co-authored with Ahlea Khadro and Heather Dane, explains how she’s taking all she knows to the next level.

Why does first applying love and forgiveness to yourself make a happy, healthy and long life possible?

Loving yourself is the foundation for living the life you want.  A healthy and happy life is rooted in self-love, and forgiveness is an act of self-love.  It all comes down to how you think and treat yourself.  What we give out we get back, so it all starts with us.  Remember, no matter what the problem is, there is only one answer: loving yourself.  Start with small steps and be gentle.  If you start there, magical things will happen.

How do you manage to engage in a stream of loving affirmations 24/7?

Practice, practice, practice!  Slowly, bit-by-bit, start each day with a loving act towards yourself.  Loving affirmations and worrying about things take up the same amount of time; you still get the same things done along the way, but worrying creates stress, while affirmations will brighten your life.  It can be exhausting if you fight the shift and make it difficult.  If you make kindness to yourself and others a simple part of everyday life, it isn’t exhausting at all.

What are some key elements to crafting a life experience that supports and nourishes ageless being?

Choose thoughts that bring love into your life and laugh a lot.  Say yes to life and the magic it brings.  I trust that life will bring me exactly what I need, and part of that is realizing that I don’t need to know everything, because life brings me people like Ahlea and Heather.

A third of our life is spent eating, and it’s essential that we know the best way to do this.  Start your day with water and an act of self-love.  Eat real food; seasonal, organic, natural foods are a positive affirmation to your body.  Poop every day, figuratively and literally.  Learn to listen to your body and its wisdom.  Choose exercise that you love and that makes you feel good.

Also, go on a media diet.  Filter out from your consciousness any messages that say you are not good enough or that separate you from the beautiful and lovable person you are.  Surround yourself with like-minded people that share good news and love to laugh.

The core belief founding your lifework is that every thought we have is creating our future.  Is scientific research now supporting that?

When I began teaching people about affirmations, there wasn’t any science to support it, but we knew it worked, and now studies verify that.  I particularly love Bruce Lipton’s scientific research showing that we are not controlled by our genes because the genetic blueprint can be altered through positive changes in our beliefs.

I hear reports every day of how people are healing their lives by changing their thoughts through cultivating self-love and personal affirmations.  They are seeing healing of autoimmune diseases, obesity, addictions, post-traumatic stress and many other so-called incurable illnesses.  It’s amazing what happens when you are kind and loving to yourself.

What is your secret to aging gracefully through the years?

It’s simple.  It’s about getting your thoughts and food right and having fun along the way.  If you are thinking positive thoughts but feeding yourself processed, unnatural or sugary foods, you are sending yourself mixed messages.  Feed yourself nourishing food and think loving thoughts.  Any time you don’t know what else to do, focus on love.  Loving yourself makes you feel good, and good health comes from feeling good.

Article by S. Alison Chabonais, national content editor for Natural Awakenings magazines.

Global Peace and Love

 

Hello friends,

I received this email today as I am a part of the Global Love Project and  not only did it hit home on what is going on in the world, but also made me stop and think about how much I desire to have PEACE and LOVE in the world as well as PEACE and LOVE  within myself.  These were some of the questions that my good friend Aine Belton had included in her email:

 
How can  you find resolution, peace, happiness and harmony in your personal world?
 
In what way can you make peace with yourself and others?

How can you cultivate open, loving, nourishing, relationships and environments?

What can you face and let go of for greater peace? (What judgment, grievance, belief, fear, pain, story…?)

How about bringing acceptance, forgiveness, love, peace, and understanding more fully into your life as you wish to find it in the world?

I want to share this article that she wrote a while back: “10 Steps to Peace Within”, just click this link to read:  www.globalloveproject.com/2013/09/inner-peace

 

For any it may appeal to, she recorded a “World Healing Meditation” some time ago for sending positive intentions, thoughts, feelings and visions into the world.

If you feel called, you can listen to the meditation recording free at: www.WorldHealingMeditation.com

Never underestimate your impact.  Your thoughts and feelings count.  Your love, intent, imagination, focus and action can help to heal the world.

Peace, love,  blessings from my heart to yours,

Tammy

 

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

 

 

I no longer suffer from or struggle with what has been said and done.  I bless and am grateful to each soul that I perceive has hurt me, and I release them to their own greater good.  My past provides me with the lessons that will help me live the present more fully.  I fill myself with a love that is pure and free.

All That Is

All That Is

 

I find life and love in all that is.  I am aware of the presence of God in all things.  Each tiny part of the Universe is actually an expression of love.  I raise my thoughts beyond the limits of my beliefs and convictions to open myself to the magic, the simplicity and the beauty of All That Is.  I marvel at this splendor, which in reality is part of me.

Together in the Light

Together in the Light

 

 

I see others as exactly who and where they are supposed to be.  They are in the perfect place to contribute to my own personal growth.  Each emotional reaction another may cause in me is a gift from their soul, given to me out of love, to help free me of my conflicts.  I work and look at myself without seeking to blame others.  Thus I become one with the Divine in all of us.

The Eyes of the Heart

The Eyes of the Heart

 

 

I rediscover the real beauty in every thing and every person I meet.  I see beyond the personality and its superficial nature, and see with my heart the energy of love that dwells in all of us.  I now am filled with wonder at the presence of God in all that is.  The Eyes of the Heart allow me to see the Divine shining everywhere I now live in the true Light.