” A major amount of wear-and-tear on the body comes from prolonged unresolved conflict–basically from not letting go, holding grudges and reliving situations over and over in your head,” says Raj Dhasi, a Toronto-based conflict management consultant who specializes in the physiological impacts of conflict. “But if conflict happens and my mindset is: ‘I can handle this. We can work through this,’ that is phenomenally beneficial for the brain and body.”
When we are faced with any conflict–whether it’s an angry boss, disgruntled neighbor, political opponent or untidy teen in the house–our limbic system responds swiftly by igniting a cascade of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol and spiking our heart rate and blood pressure. Meanwhile, our prefrontal cortex–the part of the brain responsible for thinking things through and putting the brakes on emotional, irrational behaviors–begins to slowly light up. The fundamental problem is that in the race to mount a response, the limbic system often wins, prompting us to greet conflict impulsively by raising our voice and saying things we later regret before our rational brain has time to step in.
On the flip side, many of us avoid conflict altogether, harboring discontent in such a way that we feel powerless or even threatened. Making matters worse, our fight-or-flight response never quite goes away, says Gary Harper, author of The Joy of Conflict Resolution: Transforming Victims, Villains and Heroes in the Workplace and at Home. “More people are stressed out by not dealing with a conflict than with dealing with it,” Harper observes. “If you deal with it in the moment, it allows you to let it go.”
Pause, Breathe, Consider
Harper advises that one way to deal with conflict on the spot is to pause and give our more rational side a chance to arrive at a solution. “Before you react, slow down, take a deep breath and listen to your inner dialogue,” he says. “In that deep breath, you might realize that you need five minutes [to consider a response].” If you still remain in attack mode, it might not be the best time to respond.
He adds that while no conflict should be avoided altogether, careful consideration might lead us to conclude that some battles aren’t worth fighting. Ask yourself: How important is this person to me? How important is this issue to me? ” If neither is vital to you, save your energy for a better use. If the issue is not important, but the relationship is, it’s okay to accommodate or give in sometimes,” he says.
Be Direct and Follow-Up
Some conflicts are worth confronting. Then, Barbara Pachter, a business communications consultant and author of The Power of Positive Confrontation, offers what she calls the WAC approach for dealing with most cases of work and family conflict.
W: Ask yourself: What is really bothering me? ” A lot of times, people don’t do this. They just say, ‘This person is a jerk,’ rather than specifying the problem.”
A: Ask them for a solution. “We often complain, but we don’t find a solution,” she says. “Determine what is going to solve the problem for you and ask for it.”
C: Check in. “Turn it over to the other person and ask for their response. Inquire: ‘Is this possible? What do you think?'”
All the while, stay curious about the other person’s perspective, suggests Harper. “We tend to see ourselves as the innocent victim, or we go into hero mode and tend to see the other person as the villain,” he says. “Of course, the other person is doing the same thing, and that makes collaboration tough.” Instead, ask sincere questions–and really listen.
Agree to Disagree
Terrie McCants, coordinator of the conflict resolution program at Kansas State University, notes that in some cases, especially when deeply held values such as politics or faith are involved, resolving conflict isn’t necessarily about reaching an agreement. “You cannot negotiate people’s values. Sometimes, these are things that people are willing to lie down and die for,” she says. “Instead, sometimes you might need to agree to disagree.”
In the end, whether the conflict is a minor disagreement at home, a workplace quarrel or a complicated political dispute, the process of properly working through it can leave both parties feeling stronger and improve their communities. “Conflict forces you to problem-solve collaboratively and come up with options and elegant solutions,” she explains. “If handled well, it can add brilliant things to your life.”
After reading this article, I decided to share because I think it has really good points. Especially the way today’s economy is going, we all some form of stress and frustration and may sometimes say things we don’t really mean.
So, if you have those moments when you are so angry and maybe don’t know why, stop and close your eyes, take a breath and walk somewhere by yourself to slow down and calm your mind before returning to life’s space.
Contents of this article provided by Lisa Shumate, a freelance writer in Boulder, CO.
A renowned leader of the self-help movement from its early days, Louise Hay is celebrated world wide for teaching—-by personal example and through her bestselling book, You Can Heal Your Life—how each of us can transform our mind, body and spirit by changing the way we think. Her positive philosophy has sparked an industry and her Hay House publishing group.
Nourishing mind and body, loving life, learning and growing, giving back and moving ahead—these comprise Hay’s program for creating health, happiness and longevity. At 88, she continues to travel for business and pleasure, embracing vital, joy-filled days with a thankful smile. Her new book, Loving Yourself to Great Health, co-authored with Ahlea Khadro and Heather Dane, explains how she’s taking all she knows to the next level.
Why does first applying love and forgiveness to yourself make a happy, healthy and long life possible?
Loving yourself is the foundation for living the life you want. A healthy and happy life is rooted in self-love, and forgiveness is an act of self-love. It all comes down to how you think and treat yourself. What we give out we get back, so it all starts with us. Remember, no matter what the problem is, there is only one answer: loving yourself. Start with small steps and be gentle. If you start there, magical things will happen.
How do you manage to engage in a stream of loving affirmations 24/7?
Practice, practice, practice! Slowly, bit-by-bit, start each day with a loving act towards yourself. Loving affirmations and worrying about things take up the same amount of time; you still get the same things done along the way, but worrying creates stress, while affirmations will brighten your life. It can be exhausting if you fight the shift and make it difficult. If you make kindness to yourself and others a simple part of everyday life, it isn’t exhausting at all.
What are some key elements to crafting a life experience that supports and nourishes ageless being?
Choose thoughts that bring love into your life and laugh a lot. Say yes to life and the magic it brings. I trust that life will bring me exactly what I need, and part of that is realizing that I don’t need to know everything, because life brings me people like Ahlea and Heather.
A third of our life is spent eating, and it’s essential that we know the best way to do this. Start your day with water and an act of self-love. Eat real food; seasonal, organic, natural foods are a positive affirmation to your body. Poop every day, figuratively and literally. Learn to listen to your body and its wisdom. Choose exercise that you love and that makes you feel good.
Also, go on a media diet. Filter out from your consciousness any messages that say you are not good enough or that separate you from the beautiful and lovable person you are. Surround yourself with like-minded people that share good news and love to laugh.
The core belief founding your lifework is that every thought we have is creating our future. Is scientific research now supporting that?
When I began teaching people about affirmations, there wasn’t any science to support it, but we knew it worked, and now studies verify that. I particularly love Bruce Lipton’s scientific research showing that we are not controlled by our genes because the genetic blueprint can be altered through positive changes in our beliefs.
I hear reports every day of how people are healing their lives by changing their thoughts through cultivating self-love and personal affirmations. They are seeing healing of autoimmune diseases, obesity, addictions, post-traumatic stress and many other so-called incurable illnesses. It’s amazing what happens when you are kind and loving to yourself.
What is your secret to aging gracefully through the years?
It’s simple. It’s about getting your thoughts and food right and having fun along the way. If you are thinking positive thoughts but feeding yourself processed, unnatural or sugary foods, you are sending yourself mixed messages. Feed yourself nourishing food and think loving thoughts. Any time you don’t know what else to do, focus on love. Loving yourself makes you feel good, and good health comes from feeling good.
Article by S. Alison Chabonais, national content editor for Natural Awakenings magazines.
My deepest and sincere gratitude goes out to Aquileana for the “One Lovely Blog Award” nomination. Aquileana has a beautiful blog https://aquileana.wordpress.com/ filled with information about Greek Mythology. Please take a few minutes to say hello and check it out.
The award rules are as follows:
1. The nominee shall display the respective logo on his/her blog and link to the blogger that has nominated him/her.
2. The nominee shall nominate 10 bloggers he/she admires, by linking to their blogs and informing them about the nomination.
So, without any further delay, here are the nominees that shine today:
Thank you Aquileana for your kindness and for the Lovely Blog nomination.
Peace, love, blessings to you all! Tammy
Good morning friends, neighbors, followers! Happy Sunday! I had the chance to see a movie called “The Ultimate Gift” which was not only an inspiration, but came with a message. Throughout the movie was a list of “ultimate gifts” that when you read them, you may not see some of them as such, but if you really think about it, they can be.
1. The Gift of Work– See your job as more than just a way to pay your bills. Whatever work you are doing, be thankful and know that you are helping someone or a group of someone’s in a bigger way than you could possibly imagine.
2. The Gift of Money– This is a reminder of the famous saying: “It is better to give than to receive” Now, I’m not talking about giving the gift of money to receive it back, that’s not the reason to give at all. We all have love and compassion which resides in our heart and we have the opportunity to share our blessings with someone who is not so fortunate. Maybe it’s a certain someone who is close to you that is behind on their rent or just needs a little extra money to pay a bill. Whatever the circumstance may be, sharing is caring. When you perform random acts of kindness, you will see how the universe opens up to you.
3. The Gift of Friends- “A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.” ~Elbert Hubbard
A true friend is hard to find.
That’s why when you come across one; you should hold onto them and cherish the joy that friendship brings. Friends help you be honest with yourself and they keep you from doing things that you might regret.
They are confidants, counselors and coaches. Friends helps you be you without apology.
4. The Gift of Learning- Learn to learn. There is so much information available on this planet and there is never too much you can learn. Maybe take some time to learn a new language or learn about different cultures. The possibilities of the mind are endless.
5. The Gift of Problems- You don’t begin to live until you’ve lost everything. Try not to see your problems as a failure or that you have been defeated. Instead look at them as an experience and what may be coming to you as a connection to something that will be beneficial for you and your life journey.
6. The Gift of Family- Spending time with family is a blessing. But maybe for some of us, being around our family is not our cup of tea. Yes, it’s possible that some members of our family can be a little difficult to be around or that we just don’t see eye to eye on some things. However much we may dislike our family at times, they are still our FAMILY and that in itself is a precious gift. Take time to be with family, because life is short and that little effort that you make means more than you could ever realize.
7. The Gift of Laughter- See life as joyous. Laughter is the best medicine, no matter who you are. Did you know that it takes more muscles to frown than smile? So, we should be smiling and laughing a lot! Besides that, laughing is just plain fun! So, go ahead….live, love and laugh, laugh, laugh!!!!
8. The Gift of Dreams- We are all free to dream. What was your dream when you were a child? Did you want to be a prima ballerina, a fireman, the president? What about as an adult? What is your dream? Have you made that dream/dreams reality? What is your life-long dream?
9. The Gift of Giving- Being generous is one of the greatest gifts. Giving is an act of kindness. It doesn’t have to necessarily be in the form of money, it could be clothes, food, your time. Giving someone a HUG!!!!
10. The Gift of Gratitude- Learn to be thankful for what you have. You might not have that shiny new car or that big house you always wanted or millions of dollars in the bank. Don’t focus on the things you don’t have, be grateful for those things that you do. Little things mean a lot.
11. The Gift of A Day- What would you do with your last day on Earth? Cherish every day and take those extra moments to look around and enjoy the outdoors, a friend, your husband/wife, your mom/dad, your kids.
12. The Gift of Love- Love unconditionally. We are on this planet to love each other, no matter what color we are, what religion, male, female. We are all one! Love as much as you can because that is the biggest gift of all!
Here we are…..Friday! The infamous day that starts the weekend for most of us hard working, dedicated humans. Why is it that everyone gets especially excited when Friday comes rolling around? Could it be that we can’t wait to dive in and enjoy the plans we made for the weekend? Maybe it’s that special someone you just can’t wait to see and embrace each other’s unique and wonderful qualities. Perhaps you get to see your children and share what they like to do, and it just so happens that you become a child yourself.
Yes, we can all say that Friday has been a kind of celebration day. But why not look at every day as something to celebrate? Every day we wake up is a precious gift. The sun is shining, maybe the birds are serenading you a sweet melody. Squirrels may be playing in the trees. It’s the simple things that we sometimes forget to stop and take a moment to enjoy.
Whatever you plan to do this weekend, make it awesome! Have fun, laugh out loud, get silly, love a lot and smile!!!!! May this day and everyday bring you peace, love and happiness!
Good morning friends! This is a beautiful story of an Autistic boy and his dog, helping one another in the path of life. Enjoy and please share the love. Peace, love, blessings. Tammy
To see the video please click below where it says view original…
This is the beautiful story of an Autistic boy and his dog, and how they helped one another.
Jonny began exhibiting symptoms of Autism early on in his life. Sometimes, when his father would bring him to the deli to pick up meat, Jonny’s dad would place his order, and Jonny would begin screaming at the top of his lungs. Among other things, food gave him a great deal of anxiety. Additionally, the little boy would have almost no interaction whatsoever with the family dogs the Hickeys had at the time.
The family’s situation, as it is for so many other families, was stressful and challenging – they just wanted a way to help improve their son’s life. Then something amazing happened.
A terribly emaciated and near death Pit Bull had been found. She was near death. The rescue organization responsible for her care felt that she was in need…
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